Happy Sunday! Done 4.5 miles this morning. Thought I was going to die. Honestly. I really must try and train more during the week. I am the absolute QUEEN of excuses though. Seriously, sometimes I think I should write them all down. I even believe myself.
OK, I'm 'busy'. I have 2 kids, I must be busy. I have a job, even though mostly it consists of 'working from home'. Therefore, every time I swich on the computer, I am WORKING. Even if i am on facebook. Or Ebay. Or just looking at things I can't afford in John Lewis. (Latest thing is a £439 Vitamix Blender. GOT to have one. They make soup and icecream.) Working. That's what I say to the kids if they want to play on Cbeebies or Playhouse Disney. Sorry, mummy's working. Come back later. Actually, I don't think I spend all that much time on the computer (I'm too busy). I mean, it's not like I play games or anything. And if I'm not playing, well, I must be working mustn't I? But the excuse I use for possibly not doing as much housework as I could/should is that I'm too 'busy' (work, kids, ect.). The excuse that I use for not getting as much work done as I should is that I'm too 'busy' (housework, kids etc.) The excuse I use for not getting in as much exercise as I should is that I'm too 'busy' (work, housework, kids bla bla bla, you get the picture) So what am I actually doing?? Think I will start to fill in a timesheet. In my head, it would be
0630 - 0830 Make lunch x 2, breakfast x 3. Glance at coffee made for me by kind husband. Dress children x 2 and self. Put face on self. Wash up breakfast things, shout at children x 2, get on coats x 3 and shoes x 6. Leave house for school.
0830 - 0930 Walk to school, discuss following with other mothers: weather/too many school holidays/other mothers bad hair or clothing choice/not enough school holidays. Walk back from school.
0930 - 1030 Make coffee x 1. Find more food for remaining child. Pick up mess from lounge and re-distribute upstairs. Find upstairs already has enough mess and therefore cannot accommodate extra mess. Find a temporary home for mess I am carrying in order to tidy up mess already upstairs. Decide some of the mess lives downstairs, so return downstairs. See cold coffee and slurp. Take cup in to kitchen and re-boil kettle. Coffees made = 2, coffees drank x 0 Put load 1 of 5 into washing machine. Return upstairs. Pick up some mess and re-distribute. Realise need to switch on printer so can work. Begin tidying room where printer lives. Return downstairs at behest of child needing weewee.
1030 - 1230 Go back to kitchen and re-boil kettle. Wash cup and put coffee and sugar in. Return upstairs but know not what I was originally doing up there. Remember printer and plug in. Realise I need to 'work' so return downstairs and retrieve laptop from under sofa. See crumbs/toys/raisins under sofa and return to kitchen to obtain dustpan & brush. Enter kitchen and see cup. Remembering coffee plans, re-boil kettle. Note to self - clean kitchen floor. Empty washing machine, take washing outside begin search for pegs. Return inside and make drink of juice at behest of small (screaming) child, administer a cuddle and watch Peppa Pig. Return to kitchen, finally poor hot water in to cup. Return to lounge with coffee, see pegs in toy box and return to garden to hang out washing. Begin hanging out washing.
1230 - 1445 Return to kitchen to find more food for yelling child. Wonder what everyone might want for tea. Re-boil kettle. Realise am hungry, eat whatever food child left on plate. Slurp more cold coffee. Return to kitchen to find kettle just boiled, chuck cold coffee down sink and re-fill cup with fresh coffee and sugar. Open fridge to get milk. Foul smell assaults nostrils. Clear out fridge. Re-boil kettle. Look out of window and see basket of half hung washing. Return outside to finish job. See laptop unswitched on. (Off?) Switch on laptop. Find dvd for yelling child. Tidy lounge whilst looking for dvd remote. Hear washing machine beep to signal end of cycle. Spend next 5 mins looking for washing basket. Give up. Carry wet washing to garden in arms. Trip over half full washing basket. Chuck new wet washing on top of old wet washing and begin to hang. Realise time to fetch child #1 from school. Wake up child #2 from slumber and insert in to pushchair. Slurp cold coffee on way out of door. Pour excess down sink. Coffees made x 5 coffees drank = 0.
1445 - 1645 Walk to school. Retrieve child #1. Attempt to walk back from school whilst child #1 picks up sticks/balls/feathers/unidentifiable articles from pavement and uses them as weapons agains child #2. Return from school, find food for ravenous children x 2. Re-boil kettle. 3 minutes on phone to Mr Lawson to field enquiries as to what is on the menu for tea. B***s. Pick up mess made by children x 2. Ransack cupboards in order to find food for hardworking husband that doesn't end in 'on toast'. Take random objects cleared off lounge floor upstairs only to re-discover unholy mess. Panic. Gather up another load of washing from floor and take downstairs. Load #3 enters machine. Remember half put out 2 loads of washing in garden. Not cluttering house so can be put on hold. Go to put away computer and realise have not actually done any work. Or drank coffee. Return to kitchen to put on kettle. Realise have not cleaned kitchen floor or washed up child related eating paraphernalia. Quickly wash up and wipe floor with baby wipe (recycled in order to reduce carbon footprint created by too much unnecessary kettle boiling - had been previously utilised to wipe away evidence of pre-meal chocolate consumption by children x 2). Have to be out at work in one hour and have done no preparation. Re-boil kettle, make coffee, put computer on lap. Just about enough time to have a quick drink and do my meeting preparation. Coffees made x 6 coffees drank = 1. Hurrah, am going to sit down and have a drink for the first time today!
1645 Mr Lawson returns from work to find 1 x tracksuited bottom adhered to sofa, coffee in hand, computer on lap with barely a trace of this mornings makeup lingering on face. Suddenly flashing before my eyes are: 1 x basket of wet washing in garden. 100 x crumbs/toys/raisins very visible under sofa, gathered around slippered feet. 0 x smell of delicious, homebaked food eminating from kitchen. 1 x gargantuan mess upstairs. 2 x children asking for food as though they had never been fed.
Mr Lawson thinks my time sheet would read 0830 - 1645 Watch Jeremy Kyle. Drink coffee, eat biscuits. Watch Neighbours & Home and Away. Drink coffee, eat biscuits. Watch Corrie & Enders off Sky+. Drink coffee and have some more biscuits. Put on computer and have a coffee, go on Facebook and pretend to be working when he comes home.
Ha, if only. When does he think I would get the time to make all that mess?!
Oh the joys!
Have a lovely week LLA. (Lazy Lard Arse)
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